Seventy percent of the respondents said they had suffered long-term emotional abuse from the men, often characterized by sexual apathy. "It shows huge progress that these women were able to stand up to protect their rights," said sexologist Zhang Beichuan.Ī 2013 survey conducted by Zhang and her team sampled nearly 150 women who had either married or divorced gay or bisexual men or who were currently dating such men. Three of the 15 tongqi who attended that first seminar last year are now divorced. Yang has called for legal changes regarding the distribution of property and child custody in such divorce cases to encourage tongqi to break free. Further, the law offers no privilege for such women to obtain custody of their children. In addition, Chinese law does not make a gay man culpable for the marriage breakdown, meaning it's possible that no compensation will be awarded to the woman. As a result, judges often do not grant the divorce, and the women need to file again at a later date, Yang said. Many Chinese gay men conceal their homosexuality, which makes it difficult for women to collect evidence of their husband's sexual habits and orientation, said Yang Shaogang, a Shanghai-based lawyer who is experienced in gay-straight divorce cases. She finally had enough and made up her mind to insist on divorce, despite hesitating for the sake of her son.Ī lawyer told Qing that even if she filed a divorce lawsuit, it might not go in her favor. When she finally questioned her husband about his sexual orientation, he confessed, but he refused to divorce because he feared it would ruin his reputation.īecause she attended last year's seminar, Qing said she was insulted by her husband and his family. You look ugly when you do that.' He liked nothing about me, so I kept trying to change myself to please him," she said.
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Two years ago, a TV program focusing on the tragedy of "gay-straight" marriages helped Qing overcome doubts she had about divorcing her husband, who she said recoiled from physical contact after their son was born and seldom showed her any care.
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Many Chinese believe continuing the family bloodline is an inescapable male duty and that not having children constitutes a failure.Īt a seminar on protecting women married to gay men that was held in Changsha, Hunan province, in late July, Qing shared her story and encouraged other women in her situation to pursue their happiness with courage.
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In a country where gay marriage is illegal, a gay man may choose to marry a woman and have children because of pressure from parents and society. The names of the women who are married to gay men in this article have been changed to protect their privacy. For these women, the road to a successful divorce is often rocky because of obstruction from their husbands and a lack of clear legal support. Qing is one of many women in China known as "gay wives", or tongqi, who unwittingly marry closeted gay men. He had transferred all our assets to his parents." "He was well prepared for the day of the divorce. "He said I wouldn't get a penny or the custody of my son because I asked for a divorce without evidence to show he was wrong," said Qing, who is in her 40s.
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Qing, from Guizhou province, ended her sexless, loveless marriage months ago, after an arduous negotiation with the man who had constantly belittled her throughout their 13-year relationship. She has no regrets, but for Qing Feng divorcing her husband - a gay man - and losing her son and money, was no easy process.